Things We Don’t Understand and Are Definitely Not Going To Talk About

Things We Don’t Understand and Are Definitely Not Going To Talk About,
Miranda July

An intern at my work copied for me a CD full of covers of Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart. Now, I can't think of a thing out there that will cheer you up more than listening to that song over and over, each artist with their own unique interpretation of pain, suffering and humiliation as individually experienced. The world is never short of grief. Nor, does it seem to me today, are our lives.

James Kim was found dead. I recently watched a documentary about the incurable neurological disorder, Dystonia, where those afflicted loose control of their muscles. The sun was bright this morning, but I, trying to soak up its rays, was not. It's proving to be one of those days. You know the kind I am talking about. The emotional kind. I would like to call it pesado, because the word feels right in my mouth, but it turns out pesado really means boring...which might not, after all, be that far from the truth.

James Kim was my age. His wife and children survived only because his wife was able to breast-feed both their children and burn the car tires to keep them warm when the gas ran out. Those with Dystonia can implant a device in their brain that uses a remote control to stimulate neuro-transmitters to keep their muscles from spazzing. When the battery in their remote control dies, they go back to being hunched over or wheel-chair bound. Last night, the sun set at 4:45 and there was nothing I could do, but watch it slip away.