Mighty Casey Has Struck Out

Monday, February 28, 2005

one more academy award rant



Have you ever noticed how, in the last few years or so, a woman has to either kill someone, kill herself, get killed, wear prosthetics, look like a man, or just in general look a mess (or better yet, some winning combination of the above) to win an academy award for best actress? The men who win get to be gladiators, heroes, famous people or at most, look like themselves. Wait, no I'm wrong. Chris Cooper and Jamie Foxx both wore prosthetics for their roles in Adaptation and Ray respectively. And Chris did get a hillbilly makeover. I guess it takes more, nowadays, to win an award than just playing a retard. But it does seem like women especially have to not look like their movie star selves, to be taken seriously enough to win this award.

But here is my question: Why must she be beautiful in the first place in order to play a "monster" ? Is is because we secretly enjoy seeing these cheerleader types degrade themselves by dressing up as ugly? Or is it because we need to be reassured that under all that grotesqueness is a drop-dead gorgeous woman? That the grossness is just fake? If a script calls for someone as craggy as Sean Penn to play that role, why not hire someone as craggy as Sean Penn instead of making them over to look craggy?

2001 Halle Berry for Monster's Ball
2002 Nicole Kidman for The Hours
2003 Charlize Theron for Monster
2004 Hillary Swank for Million Dollar Baby
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10 things to love about mudville


  • you can get all kinds of barbecue: Southern, Korean, organic macrobiotic vegan

  • you can live near the sea and the mountains which is important if mountains make you feel a bit claustrophobic

  • it never snows but it is never too humid and things grow really well here...especially the weeds

  • you can hear all kinds of different languages: ebonics, tagalog, farsi and that makes me feel like i don't really need to travel

  • the streets are lined with cherry trees which are in bloom right now. even in the hood.

  • people may steal your car battery, but they'll leave your out-of-print Dump cd
  • everyone is invited

  • no one gives a shit about the academy awards

  • counting has never been that all important

  • and remember all spiritual awakening happens either suddenly or eventually
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    Sunday, February 27, 2005

    Behind the Green Door



    Behind the Green Door is not like any porno you've seen before. There is hardly any of that porno-synth music, there are few orgasms comparatively speaking, and there is only one "money shot", and that comes at, well, the climax and is pretty goddamn psychedelic. This is probably the artiest sex film out there and somewhat problematic for that same reason; it is incomprehensible as a narrative, and distracting--there is a mime thrown in for no apparent reason at all--as a sexy film.

    Behind the Green Door was made in 1972 and it was one of a trio of pornos (Deep Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones were the other two) that crossed over to the mainstream. Suddenly porno was chic and apparently Behind the Green Door recieved a standing ovation at Cannes. Everyone saw it--or said they did and there were even a few feminists who heralded it. In fact, Marilyn Chambers was smart enough to negotiate a contract that gave her considerable profit points on the film.

    No doubt part of the allure was the fact that at the same time the film was released, Chambers was chosen as the all-American fresh-faced beauty to be featured in an Ivory Snow advertising campaign which claimed its product was 99 44/100% pure. You just can't get better advertising than that.

    But personally speaking, it was mostly an oddity to watch. Endless amounts of non-climatic "muff diving," as we called it in 7th grade, men wearing white tights with their crotches cut out, druidic-looking women "ravishing" the Ms. Chambers, and the misplaced mime. With all the costumes and even some of the wonky camera work, I was repeatedly reminded of Rosemary's Baby. I plan on watching Deep Throat next. I hope it's sexier.
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    Saturday, February 26, 2005

    more one minute reviews

    Hey-ho! Let's go!



    Party Monster.
    Ok the only reason I watched this was because Seth Green was just on Fresh Air and he made Party Monster sound like the underrated movie of the decade. But there was actually only a very slim storyline with lots of fabulous outfits. I guess thats pretty fitting, though. While I did love the irony of seeing Macaulay Culkin play a fey murderous club-crazed addict, there was not much else to hang on to.

    The Girl with the Pearl Earring
    .
    I had actually already seen this once in the theatres, but it was the only thing O and I could agree upon watching that was on tivo. So it was perfectly fitting that we should talk through the entire long movie. He read the book, so I got the scoop on how Hollywood kept fucking it up. Apparently this version was not at all subtle and therefore far less sexy than the book. The tension between the maid and Vermeer was grossly overstated whereas in the book it was not just sexual but fatherly(!) Which makes me think yikes! But ni modo, as O says, Johansson is just “loveliness on a stick.” So we kept watching.

    Dazed and Confused
    For some reason this was one of those movies I had never seen. So I rented it from Netflix. Well, it was a disappointment. Now, I do like Linklater, but this was just a bubble-gum retooling of American Grafitti. It wasn’t even as interesting as the late, great television series, Freaks and Geeks. I hated how the 70’s styling and casting looked just like a cheesy sitcom or trite commercial. Go see Rock n'Roll High School instead.
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    Friday, February 25, 2005

    sugar on my tongue


    This happened at least a year ago when I was making soup and chopping kale. I had to drive myself to the Emergency Room holding my hand above my head the whole time. But then, when I got there, I had it wrapped up too well. They made me wait many hours. The trick with the ER room is to go in bleeding all over their floor. Then, they take you in right away. Once I was all stiched up, my finger looked like Jesus' crown of thorns. Pretty perfect for a girl who went to Catholic School for 12 years. Anyway, I came home and ate some of my soup, which I had made a Salvation Army amount of. We dubbed it "finger soup."
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    Thursday, February 24, 2005

    10 things to do after a breakup


  • Visit your local sex shop: buy that ridiculous and looking and expensive sex toy, rent that tried-and-true classic porno, read some smut you can stomach, browse through old Penthouses from the 70's that had real bush and real tits, you get the picture.

  • Have sex with an ex.

  • Find new ways to sweat: it could be squash, it could be laying out in the blazing sun, it could be moving large mounds of dirt.

  • Tell everyone.

  • Tell no one.

  • Discover your own fad diet, like surviving on Korean barbecue, kimchee and caprinhas. See how many people you can convince to go on it.

  • Take long hot showers, so long you have to keep turning up the hot water as it runs out. Sit in the shower.

  • Keep a running list of all the annoying things that person did. Make sure you share with friends so they can keep reminding you about his unstoppable bad breath, her incessant teeth-grinding, his aggressive tailgating, her silent-but-deadly farting in her sleep.

  • Start writing your own missed connections on craig's list. We know you like reading these from time to time, so come up with your own. How many potential mates can you note in a day?

  • Take public transportation. This forces you to be near other people, rather than cooped up feeling sorry for yourself in your own hovel. It is also a great opportunity to come up with some missed connections. Take the bus when school just gets out. Admire all the obnoxious and loud teenagers. Maybe some of their spirit will rub off on you.

  • Feel sorry for yourself. Throw a goddamn pity party. It's ok. I told you you could.

  • Cry. If you can't cry, watch the saddest movie possible and feel real bad, something like King Kong, Ordinary People, or Million Dollar Baby. These will put your life into perspective. C'mon your life ain't that bad. Crying is like masturbating, you will feel 100 times better afterwards.

  • Anytime you feel like calling him or text-messaging her, masturbate. In the car, at work, at the dentist's office. Please be discreet, though. It is not a turn on to watch strangers masturbate unless you are really really hot.

  • Get in the car. If you don't have a car, rent one for a coupla days. Play music real loud. Sing along until you are hoarse. Get lost someplace new.

  • Tell me yours.
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    day of the word

    chupacabra

    Here in the flats of Mudville, we like certain words. Turgid, tortuosity, lugubrious...these are words that just lumber and plod about once in your mouth, like shoes clumping on hardwood floors. These are words that make me feel cozy in my own dyspeptic skin--another word I greatly approve of. But turgid--essentially to mean bloated--is nearest and dearest to my heart because of the short story, Turgid, by Mary Gaitskill. Once published years ago in a New Yorker, I no longer have a copy of it and I believe it was never printed in book form. But what I do have is her collection of short stories, Bad Behavior. No other author I can think of succeeds in being so naughty and poignant at the same time. OK, I'll give it up for Matthew Klam, author of Sam the Cat for naughty, funny and entertaining. But deep it ain't.

    So from mudville, have a turgidly tortuous day and a lugubrious deep, deep sleep.
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    Wednesday, February 23, 2005

    one minute reviews


    Beck's new album, Güero. Not sure how finished the version I heard was, but it's back to Odelay-style get-your-dance-move-on tracks. Hey, he name-checks the Norteño band, Banda Machos (famous for tunes like Machos Lloran Tambien), raps in Spanglish and makes music with hacked gameboys. What's not to love?

    The Five Obstructions, Lars van Trier vs. Jørgen Leth as Lars challenges Jørgen to remake and then remake 4 more times, Jørgen's short film from 1967. OK, so half of me was entertained and charmed at their sadomasochistic compulsion to make and then break their own art (and themselves in the process.) The other half of me was irritated and pissed at such white-guy self-indulgence and self-aggrandizing.

    The Devil and Daniel Johnston. If you don't know who Daniel Johnston is, it's about time you found out. Daniel, an up and coming songwriter/musician, at the right time and the right place--that place being Austin--eventually succumbs to the voices in his head. But he still makes music...and at an alarming rate. Artists like Yo La Tengo and Tom Waits have covered his heartfelt and slightly off songs. See this movie! Support your independent filmmakers! And find out about yet another artist's descent into madness.

    Born Into Brothels. This is a feel good movie that made me feel, well, good. Children of prostitutes, who work the red light district of Calcutta, are given cameras and take to the streets. In time, they create art: stunning photographs, glimpses of humanity in the most destitute of settings, and proud, proud portraits of each other. The children speak plainly about the hopeless and desparate situations they are in. And yet, they thrive with these cameras in their hands.


    And remember, not all jokes can be funny.

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    Tuesday, February 22, 2005

    the things they carried


    tony keeps it real in an interview with a paratrooper. It's a nice, informed piece of instant messenger journalism...when there is so little real information from the front lines and so much covertness that separates us from the day-to-day reality of these soldiers' lives.

    SSG Chris Paul: I understand, I know people don't have to be pro-war to be pro-soldier
    SSG Chris Paul: thanks for wanting us safe


    It was only last week I finished The Pugilist at Rest. Now, there are certain manly authors I have just never gotten around to, while I have probably read, like, everything Toni Morrison has ever written. It was beautiful and rough, sad and hopeful. I am glad I finally read it.

    Like their predecessors Thom Jones and Tim O'Brien, it is only a matter of time before the Iraq vets start coming into their own as authors and artists, piecing together their stories, and waiting for us to listen.
    They carried all the emotional baggage of men who might die. Grief, terror, love, longing -these were intangibles, but the intangibles had their own mass and specific gravity, they had tangible weight. They carried shameful memories. They carried the common secret of cowardice barely restrained, the instinct to run or freeze or hide, and in many respects this was the heaviest burden of all, for it could never be put down, it required perfect balance and perfect posture. They carried their reputations. They carried the soldier's greatest fear, which was the fear of blushing. Men killed, and died, because they were embarrassed not to. It was what had brought them to the war in the first place, nothing positive, no dreams of glory or honor, just to avoid the blush of dishonor. They died so as not to die of embarrassment. They crawled into tunnels and walked point and advanced under fire. Each morning, despite the unknowns, they made their legs move. They endured. They kept humping. They did not submit to the obvious alternative, which was simply to close the eyes and fall. So easy, really. Go limp and tumble to the ground and let the muscles unwind and not speak and not budge until your buddies picked you up and lifted you into the chopper that would roar and dip its nose and carry you off to the world. A mere matter of falling, yet no one ever fell. It was not courage, exactly; the object was not valor. Rather, they were too frightened to be cowards.

    ~Tim O'Brien, The Things They Carried
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    Monday, February 21, 2005

    manna

    man-na

    1. In the Bible, the food miraculously provided for the Israelites in the wilderness during their flight from Egypt.

    2. Spiritual nourishment of divine origin.

    3. Something of value that a person receives unexpectedly: viewed the bonus as manna from heaven.

    4. The dried exudate of certain plants, as that of the Mediterranean ash tree, formerly used as a laxative.

    5. A sweet granular substance excreted on the leaves of plants by certain insects, especially aphids, and often harvested by ants.

    My friend Juan calls it manna. And when he talks about it, he reaches a fever pitch. It's different for everyone and hard to find for those, like myself, who follow no particular religious practice. It's that returning-to-the-well, what-keeps-you-going, just-checking-in moment of total communion. We all have the means within us and we are all constantly searching for different or easier ways to engage with it. For him, a writer, it was masturbation. And depending on the writer's block, he needed it more or he just needed it less.

    Now, I am probably the only woman in the United States who doesn't do yoga. I don't meditate, pray, chant or do stand-up comedy (surely a cathartic experience if there was one.) And these days, I am looking for manna. Getting lost on a muddy hike in the Mudville mountains until my mind wanders so far off, I am nowhere; reading the quiet and stunning poetry of Mary Oliver whose last stanzas never fail to slay me and put me in my rightful place; sobbing til the sheets are wet and your jaw aches; and of course, sweaty, mind-depleting sex; all these things can bring me back to myself. Back to the point of it all. Back to the reason for getting up each day.
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    Sunday, February 20, 2005

    u be ilin



    i love flea markets.
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    quitsville

    I call it a break up. Quitsville. Over. Whatever.
    I don't know what he calls it.
    The only people I have confided in so far are two ex-boyfriends.
    And it's been two weeks.
    That can't be healthy.
    I have called other friends and tried.
    But I couldn't seem to bring it up.
    It's just harder with couples.

    Last night we boiled 3 live crabs.
    I'd never done that before.
    But I s'pose
    if you eat meat
    it wouldn't hurt you to be closer to that food chain business,
    know what I mean?

    DSCN0102_1
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    the beginning: there is no joy

    Call me Casey.
    That's not my real name.
    But it's how I feel today
    and every day.



    But Casey is a girl
    not that that's terribly important.

    Here's what you should know for today.
    I always root for the underdog.
    And mostly I'm talking about boyfriends.
    If you have your shit together, I will never pick you,
    we will never get married
    or make babies together.
    You would have to be a mess,
    or underemployed,
    or emotionally scarred,
    or physically wounded,
    or all of the above.
    Only then would you have a chance with me.

    Mr. Hennessy made us memorize two poems in 7th grade.
    The first was Casey At The Bat,
    and the other was The Road Not Taken.
    They are both somewhat wistful, I think, looking back now.
    Although one is about the glass half-empty
    and the other about it being full.
    They have always stuck with me.
    And whenever I am down and out,
    I call it Mudville.
    If you haven't figured it out yet
    this ain't about baseball.

    The Road Not Taken

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    ----Robert Frost

    Casey at the Bat


    The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day;
    The score stood four to two with but one inning left to play;
    And then, when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
    A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

    A straggling few got up to go, in deep despair. The rest
    Clung to that hope which "springs eternal in the human breast;"
    They thought, If only Casey could but get a whack at that,
    We'd put up even money now, with Casey at the bat.

    But Flynn procede Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
    And the former was a no-good and the latter was a fake;
    So, upon that stricken multitude grim meloncholy sat,
    For there seemed but little chance of Casey's getting to the bat.

    But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
    And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball,
    And when the dust had lifted and men saw what had occurred,
    There was Jimmy safe at second, and Flynn a-huggin' third.

    Then from five thousand throats and more threr rose a lusty yell,
    It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell,
    It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
    For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

    There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place;
    There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face,
    And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
    No stranger in the croud could doubt `twas Casey at the bat.

    Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
    Five thousand tounges applauded as he wiped them on his shirt.
    Then, while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
    Defiance gleamed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

    And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
    And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there,
    Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped --
    "That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one," the umpire said.

    From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
    Like the beating of the storm waves on a stern and distant shore.
    "Kill him; kill the umpire!" shouted someone from the stand;--
    And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

    With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shone;
    He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
    He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
    But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, "Strike two."

    "Fraud," cried the maddened thousands, and the echo answered "Fraud,"
    But one scornful look from Casey, and the multitude was awed.
    The saw his face grow stern and cold; they saw his muscles strain,
    And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.

    The sneer is gone from Casey's lip; his teeth are clenched in hate;
    He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
    And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
    And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow.

    Oh! somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
    The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
    And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
    But there is no joy in Mudville -- mighty Casey has Struck Out.

    ---Ernest Lawrence Thayer
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