things i did part one

9 years old- i wanted to see how many frogs i could stuff into a jar. so i did. then i forgot about them.

11 years old- sang the richie samco song. this was a song some kids made up at school to torment ritchie samco. it went like this: do the samco, do the richie samco, do the samco, do it, do it now. i go to kmart to buy some disco shoes, i go to kmart to get the kmart blues.

12 years old- while in catholic school, i suddenly realized i wasn't catholic anymore. i just wasn't feelin it, you know? the only reason i could bear mass, was because i had a major crush on an altar boy named jerry deranja. he stole a bunch of blessed wafers one day after mass and we ate them in the church parking lot. one right after the other.

14 years old- i was a goth. i pretended i was crazyoutofmymind on lsd at a club so someone would pay attention to me. no one did.

15 years old- i cheated in french class. all the time. every single test and and drill. i now know not an ounce of the language.

17 years old- affirmative action. i claimed it. even though i'm barely half-mexican and didn't speak any spanish. lots of the girls at my school hated me for it because i got into ucberkeley and it was cheap back then and my grades and scores were not all that. and then i went there, pissing them off even more. but my mom was happy because they didn't have a.a. when she was a kid. and then i met lots of cool chicanos who said i could join the club.

to be continued. this is probably part one of about 8 million.