Who will buy this wonderful feeling?

This morning I was awoke by the sound of birds chirping. And then my alarm went off--well, really, all three of them. I opened my eyes and there were tiny cartoon sparrows raising open the white curtains to let in the light just like in Snow White. And guess what? It was a gorgeous day! I felt refreshed and sunny, ready to embrace the day.

I hopped out of bed and into the bathroom. Upon peering into the mirror, I saw that all of my wrinkles--those hideous smile lines--had disappeared overnight! I smiled and my teeth gleamed so brightly I nearly blinded myself. My hair shown luxuriantly and there were other things, too. My eyebrows were in perfect arches, my bags no longer packed, and my skin smooth and soft--not blotchy and freckle-y at all. I had to admit there was a certain youthful glow, a healthy blush in my cheeks and a sparkle in my eyes. Why, whatever happened? I asked the mirror. To my question, the mirror remained silent, yet I noticed a certain conspiratol tone--if mirrors can act such a way. Since I looked so good and felt perfectly rested, I skipped the shower.

I got dressed. But what to wear? Sneakers or sandals? Sporty or spicy? Robin's egg blue or smoldering rust tones? Was I feeling springtime or autumnal? I couldn't decide, but I did notice that I looked good no matter what I wore! The clothes all fit perfectly, I appeared at least a foot taller and, I swear, for the first time in my life, I pulled off leggy.

With a bounce in my step, I grabbed my bag, my steaming coffee (which had never tasted so good!) and got in my car. For some strange reason, the radio this morning was commercial-free! Inexplicably, I had a full tank of gas. The cars in front of me parted like the Red Sea. I began checking my voicemail which was unusually full this morning. 22 messages!

Many were roommates finally responding to my various desperate ads in foreign papers. It seems a bidding war was ensuing. They were all going to be sending resumes with headshots, references from heads of state, and small gifts--not to be confused with bribes. There was a message from the NEA, announcing that I had been selected as the first recipient of their new initiative-to-support-emerging-individual-artists-of-distinct-merit-talent-and-tenacity. I can't say too much more about it, except the word nomination was mentioned once or twice. My boss called telling me I could take the day off. All this, and I still had a full mug of steaming hot coffee!

But since I have the best job ever, I decided to go in anyway. There was new equipment to test drive, world records to be broken and important scientific theorems to be solved. And, my friends, I felt just the gal for the job. I arrived, suited up, and strapped on my helmet with a dramatic flourish.