Fears

In true Michael Bernard Loggins style, I will attempt a list of my own fears of my life, irrational and otherwise. Many are similar to his and they may be similar to yours, too.

1. Fear of dying alone. This is especially acute since suddenly finding myself single.

2. Fear of elevators. I often choose to take the stairs. Were I ever to get stuck in an elevator, I hope I could convince someone to just knock me the hell out. We'd all be better off that way.

3. Fear of subways. Ever since a friend of a friend told me a story about getting stuck in a sweltering subway for hours and then having to walk through the tunnel in the dark to the nearest exit, I have been afraid of this very same thing happening to me.

4. Let's face it. I will never go splunking again. File this one under a general fear of inclosed spaces.

5. Fear of hammer toes. My mom has them.

6. Fear of becoming my mom. Self-explanatory.

7. Fear of becoming my step grandma. Although, we do not share the same genes, we do share some of the same traits. Grandma Joyce was keen on post-it notes and wrote many of them to herself. These could be found throughout the house, on most pieces of furniture and inside magazines, photo albums, and laundry baskets. I, too, am keen on post-it notes, although, I stuff most of them in my purse.

8. Fear of an earthquake. Mostly that my unretrofitted and un-earthquake-insured house will collapse.

9. Fear of cold eggplant. There are really quite few foods I cannot eat, but this is one of them.

10. Fear of becoming Catholic again.

11. Fear of bedbugs. Ever since I read that article, this is one more thing I have to worry about.

12. Fear of accidentally killing my cat. This almost happened once, when I left town for the weekend and had inadvertently shut my cat inside a dresser drawer.

13. Fear of accidentally killing my baby should I ever have one. I once had a dream that I put the baby in the broiler.

14. Fear of bad manners. If I were to ever eat among dignitaries, I would surely not know what to do.

15. Fear of getting shot in the mouth while walking down an urban street yawning. I have had this particular fear for a number of years.

16. Fear that my parents will one day move in with me.

17. Fear of falling. I mean tripping and falling.

18. Fear of a bad haircut. I have one of those currently.

19. Fear of forgetting. This is not a fear, but an actuality.

20. Fear of this statement: it's all downhill from here.