a, b, c and then d

real quick here because i am trying to get my lazy ass to the gym but for some inexplicable reason this is sticking in my head so it must mean i should be writing it down, you know, purging it from my system.

a. when i was growing up my mom used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, "mommy, mommy, mommy!" It sounded pretty much like you'd think it would. This happened pretty much every night and often many times a night. we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment.

b. my real father either 1) killed himself or 2) fell in front of a train when he was 25. previously he had convinced a few hospitals that he was schizophrenic.

c. i once heard a frightening program on NPR where they interviewed schizophrenics who talked about what it was like to have voices in their head. then the schizophrenic mimicked the voices and they were creepy. i mean it was the creepiest thing i'd ever head. one of the voices was the devil.

d. perhaps influenced by c and definitely by a and b (although many years later) i sometimes hear a voice say my name when i am in bed falling asleep. it jolts me the hell right out of bed. the voice is right in my ear like a stern whisper. at first it was the voice of my mom, then it was that devil voice. i can't sleep afterwards and if i try, it might happen multiple times in a night. it happened again last night, but only once and this time it was a man's voice that i recognize but can't quite place.

this leads me to conclude i either 1) have a ghost in my house 2) am simply dreaming or 3) am really going crazy.


But it really scares the bejesus outta me.