some things i think you should know about my mom

5 minutes before our scheduled 20-minute trial massage she decides she does not really like being relaxed.

Midway through fancy dinner she exclaims, "Growing old is not for pussies!"

Driving back to the hotel it's, "Don't be alarmed-
My Dad, "I'm not."
Mom, "-but there's a large pill stuck in my throat."

The thing about it is, like all moms, she drives me absolutely batty.
And the thing about it is, she says whatever the hell she wants, even if it's utterly banal, "crossing-the-line", or just completely false.
And the final thing about it is, when I grow up I am going to be just like her.