A room to end all your searches

It seems my roommate listing has received the blog equivalent of zero hits. Apparently, they are not the desperate ones, I am. Clearly I need to improve my score. Here is a draft of the new version:

Wouldn't you like to live with me in my 2 bedroom house? The house is a charming California bungalow with inlaid wood floors, a handsome fireplace, built-in cabinets and other craftsman-like details. There is a wisteria that grows up the porch with a most pleasant smell that blooms not once but twice yearly. There is backyard with a finely oiled Hibachi. In the summer there are vegetables that grow with little to no effort! Weeds are rare and the sun always shines.

And why would you want to live with me, you might ask? Because I have great taste, for one. I have read many books, at least half of which I remember. I have cable and TiVo and yet, rarely am I in front of the TV watching it. I have CDs and DVDs and even MP3s and so do my fabulous friends. There is a fax, a printer, a scanner, an obscene amount, really, of electronic equipment. I own quite a collection of zines (including some old Duplex Planets) and original art , some of which is mine. I have fascinating bric-a-brac from when my grandmother passed and a lot of useless gifts of the kind found at the check-out counter at Barnes N' Nobles.

I am a master barbecuer and not to shabby in the kitchen neither. I own my own canning equipment and still have a few jars of that salsa I made two summers ago. I have a bar, or at least, the capabilities of throwing wild, sensational parties that people will talk about for eras to come. When I throw a dinner party, I feed armies!

There is a small guitar that gets little action and plenty of places to sit. There are a fair amount of houseplants, which do not require watering. I can darn, mend and even sew, although, I cannot seem to thread my sewing machine. I have an exotically bred cat without any dander. Every part of the house emits a soft calming glow. Based on studies we've conducted, your emotional quotient will dramatically increase, your wrinkles disappear, and unwanted pounds shed, once you step foot into this home and sign your name on the dotted line.