dating inequities

This is a story about someone else. About a good, good friend o'mine. Pretty much the funniest guy I know about who doesn't know he's funny. He lives in a college town where he teaches (at the college). There is no one in his dating pool; the only options are either his very young students or his elderly tenure-tracked colleagues who are already married and divorced a coupla times.

He frequents the local movie theatre that plays independent films and documentaries. We can call it the art house. One day he sees a woman he went to school with working there. A woman close to him in age. A woman. Without a ring. Possibly available. From that point forward, he vows to get to know this woman better. He does not watch movies at the first-run theatres or in the big city. He saves all the movies, so he can watch them at the art house. Watch them maybe 2 or 3 times.

Mostly she works the register. Mostly there are other people around, either customers or employees. He waits for the right opportunity. He calls. He asks my advice. He realizes he needs to make a move sometime soon. He calls up old college friends to find out if she has a boyfriend. If she is married. He says she does not wear a ring. We all urge him to act!

One day he arrives at the art house and she is not there. Just when he had mustered the courage to ask her out! He comes back again and she is still not there. He panics! Has his window of opportunity slipped away? He searches for her online. He contacts the alumni registry. He sends her an email, that will be forwarded to her through the registry. He asks if she no longer works at the art house. He asks if she'd like to meet sometime for coffee or dinner. It's a shot in the dark.

He hears back from her! Only a few days later. She has quit the art house! She does want to meet! But then, he notices a curious thing. Her name on the return email has her last name plus another name. A name that sounds peculiarly like another last name. Only it's before her last name, where one might insert a middle name. Let's say whereas he knew her as Andrea Kunft, her name on the email appears as Andrea Cleever + Kunft. Mysterious. What does the plus signify? If she were married, would it not be Kunft hypen Cleever? He calls again. What does it all mean? I assure him she is not married otherwise, why would she agree to go out with him? With nary an afterthought? I can't convince him. He is prepared for the worst.

They make plans to meet near her work. The day finally comes and there is a huge snow storm. He calls. He cancels. She suggests they try again next week. He agrees. He calls to ask if it is a bad sign that she didn't want to reschedule sooner. He is really prepared for the worst.

It's the day before they are supposed to meet. He calls. He is in a panic. He has a huge pimple on his nose. Should he cancel? He soaks it in hot water and salt and believes this will reduce the bump. I tell him he is crazy. Just, get it over with! Either it will or it will not happen. Out of your hands. Let destiny run its course!

He calls. The date has just ended. The date was not a date as it turns out. Not only is she married, she is four months pregnant! She tells him this casually over dinner! He realizes she must have assumed he was gay. When he moved to San Francisco after college, everyone thought it was because he was gay. He hopes word doesn't come back to her that he was asking around about her availability. He wonders if this means he has to now to pretend to be gay to save face. He tells me he'll call me back. When the next dating crisis ensues.